Are we all a product of our environment? You’re ‘dern’ right we are!

All of us have to admit, whether we want to or not, that we’re a product of our environment. And sometimes that environment from decades ago pops up at unexpected times.

My parents both went as far as the eighth grade in school, yet I still count them as two of the smartest people I’ve encountered in life. What they lacked in book-smarts they made up for with what I like to call good, old-fashioned horse-sense.

I never, ever heard either of my parents utter a curse word, but they both had a distinctive vocabulary and slang terms that I heard daily. It’s amazing to me that all these decades later that vocabulary still surfaces occasionally.

Let me explain.

Last weekend my wife Lisa and I went to see the SIU men’s basketball game again Northern Iowa. It was a great game, great energy in the Arena and despite a dreadful final two minutes when the Salukis couldn’t make a free throw and let UNI back in the game, it was an outstanding performance and a 75-73 win. As we sat in our seats waiting for the crowd to clear after the game I made this comment: ‘It was a great game but they ‘dern near’ let it get away at the end.’

Every man reading this will understand the ‘look’ that I got from my wife after I uttered that sentence. First, she wrinkled her forehead, turned her head slightly and then, in the form of a question and with a hint of exasperation in her voice said: ‘Dern near? What … does dern near mean?’

I explained that ‘dern near’ means ‘almost.’ And of course she quickly asked why I hadn’t simply said ‘they almost let it get away at the end.’ It was a question I couldn’t answer. ‘Dern near’ just popped out, was my only explanation.

But, that exchange started me thinking about the colorful language and vocabulary that I grew up hearing daily. The realization that these words that I heard as a kid and still occasionally use as an adult might just vanish someday made me feel old and a little nostalgic.

The following morning, with ‘dern near’ still on my mind I grabbed a pen and paper and started writing down some great old-fashioned slang words that will undoubtedly go the way of the dinosaur someday.

Here’s my partial list:
‘Galavantin’ – This is a word I heard from both parents often during my high school days: ‘You need to get home early, I don’t want you to be out ‘galavantin’ around all night.’ To my parents, ‘galavantin’ meant driving up and down the same streets all night long or standing on a corner with a bunch of other knuckleheads. When I heard the word ‘gallivantin’ I took it as a direct deterrent to me having fun.

‘Tarnation’ – As I mentioned, my dad didn’t curse, so I always took this word to be a replacement for the word ‘hell’ because he often asked me: ‘What in tarnation is wrong with you?’

‘High falutin’ – This word was aimed at somebody putting on airs or giving the assumption that they had a higher status in life than they did.

‘Lollygag’ – Both parents used this word regularly, usually when they were telling me I was not going to ‘lollygag’ around the house all day and be lazy and do nothing.

‘Dilly dallying’ – This phrase was used often when I was trying to stall and get out of some form of work around the house. ‘I’m tire of you dilly dallying around, go get the yard mowed.’

‘Beatenest’ – This was one of the most unique words that they used and I still say it once in a while normally when talking about politicians. ‘That’s the ‘beatenest’ thing I’ve ever seen.’ In other words, it beat anything ever witnessed before.

‘Dad-blame-it’ – This was my dad’s pet word and I’m certain it replaced many expletives. When he said this word, it was time to take a step back. If he ever tossed out ‘dad-blame-it’ back-to-back, it usually didn’t turn out well for me.

‘Dad-gummit’ – This was just a milder form of ‘dad-blame-it’ – used when an incident didn’t require a raised voice.

‘Malarkey’ – Apparently back in that era there were a lot of people full of this because I heard my dad say many times: ‘He’s so full of malarkey it’s not funny.’

‘Well, I’ll swan’ – Used by my mother often to express wonderment or amazement. She would see something happen and then hang onto the first word a long time and say: ‘We-l-l-l-l … I’ll swan!’

‘A lick of gumption’ – Gumption meant common sense and a lick was apparently the smallest measure known to man. ‘That guy doesn’t have a lick of gumption.’

Yes, we are all a product of our environment and looking back and rehashing all these old and glorious slang words makes me realize again that I had it pretty ‘dern’ good.