Unfortunately, most of us express our anger in ways that get us further from our goals instead of moving us closer to them.

For example, here are three things to avoid when you’re angry:

Don’t suppress your anger. Don’t store it up inside. When you suppress anger without expressing it in proper ways, it’s like taking a soft drink bottle and shaking it up. One day it’s going to pop! It’ll impact your body eventually. Doctors tell us a number of physical ailments are often brought on by suppressed anger.

Don’t repress it. When you repress your anger, you simply deny it’s there. Deny your anger often enough and you’ll be depressed. When I used to do more counseling, I’d hear many people tell me they were depressed, but they were really just angry. They just didn’t think that Christians should get angry, so they simply bottled it up inside. Denying anger is a sin. It’s called lying.

Don’t express it in inappropriate ways. We can express anger in a variety of inappropriate ways. We pout, spit sarcasm, manipulate, or do something stupid (get drunk, have affairs, etc.). None of those approaches get us anywhere near the result we’re looking for.

So what should we do with our anger?

Confess it. You don’t just admit the anger, but you also admit the cause. You tell God — and whoever you’re angry with — that you’re frustrated or you feel threatened. The more honest you can be in your relationships, the easier it will be to get to the root causes of your anger.

Here’s the good news about your anger: You may have grown up in a home where anger was consistently expressed in inappropriate ways. Inappropriate anger is learned, but it can be unlearned, too. You can change. You don’t have to stay the same.

• It causes arguments (Proverbs 15:18).
• It causes mistakes (Proverbs 14:29).
• It causes foolish things (Proverbs 14:17).

You’ve probably seen all of these results from your own anger and the anger of others. The Bible is also clear on the ultimate conclusion of our inappropriately expressed anger. Proverbs 11:29 says, “The fool who provokes his family to anger and resentment will finally have nothing worthwhile left.”

Think of the impact anger has on your family. As parents, we’re often tempted to use anger to motivate our children. It works in the short-term. When you get angry, you put the fear of God (or the fear of you) into your children. Your kids may give you short-term obedience, but you’ll lose in the long-term.

The end result of misplaced anger is alienation. You alienate the very people you love the most. Eventually, you’ll get more anger back and finally just apathy. No one wants to be around you.

The truth is, you always lose when you lose your temper. You may lose your reputation, your job, your children, or the love of your husband or wife when you don’t control your anger.

And it’s never worth that price tag.

Think before you speak. Delay is a tremendous remedy for anger. You don’t need to delay indefinitely. If you’ve got an issue you need to deal with, you need to do so. Anger delayed indefinitely becomes bitterness. That’s worse than anger. Anger isn’t always a sin. Bitterness is.

If you respond impulsively, you tend to respond in anger. If you wait to talk about whatever conflict you’re dealing with, you’ll be more rational and reasonable when you do. The longer you hold your temper, the better your response will be. Give yourself time to think.

When conflict arises and you give yourself time to think, what should you think about? Consider these five questions:

T: Is it truthful? Is what I’m about to say the truth?

H: Is it helpful? Or will it simply harm the other person?

I: Is it inspirational? Does it build up or does it tear down?

N: Is it necessary? If it’s not necessary, why do I need to say it?

K: Is it kind?

THINK before you speak. Reflect before you react. It’ll slow down your anger every time.

It’s natural. We’re not in control. But that realization should drive us to trust God more deeply.

We might not be in control of our future, but God is. He created the whole universe. If he wanted to, the Lord could just snap it out of existence in a moment. Yet he is working his plan in history. He is moving history to a climax, a destiny. One day Jesus Christ will come back to Earth. Nothing will stop that. Just as he is working in history to move events toward that day, he will work in your life for a purpose, too — if you’ll let him.

The Bible says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them” (Romans 8:28 NLT).

God’s Word doesn’t say that everything is good. It also doesn’t say that God causes everything. He doesn’t cause war. He doesn’t cause cancer. He doesn’t cause rape, abortion, abuse, or molestation. He doesn’t cause evil. We do that. God gives us the freedom to choose. Evil is the price of that freedom.

But the Bible does say that God causes everything to work together for good. He can take the dumb, evil, and bad decisions I’ve made in my life and use them for good if I’ll trust him. Romans 8:28 isn’t a promise for everyone, though. It’s for “those who love God.” It’s for those who trust God and say, “Here, Lord, you take all the broken pieces of my life and put them together.”

This is why when I read the headlines each day, I don’t worry. Sure, there are a lot of problems in the world today, but God is still in control. God is still moving history to a climax. And God is still moving his people toward his best for them. One day God will work everything out for his purpose.

Because God is in control, we can trust him with everything — including the good, the bad, and the ugly of our lives.