“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God — truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body” (Ephesians 4:21-25 NLT).

To change the unhealthy habits in your life, you need people who tell you the truth. You’re not going to get well on your own; you’re going to need other people in your life. You’re going to need support. You’re going to need a small group. Change requires honest community.

You’ll never change some things in your life on your own — typically, the things that are the most difficult in your life and the things that you don’t want anybody else to know about.

You’re never getting over those things until you share them with someone. You don’t have to tell everybody. You just need to find one person who will trust you and whom you trust — someone who will be confidential, love you unconditionally, not be judgmental, and pray for you. Revealing your feeling is the beginning of healing.

This does not mean a small group where you get together on a superficial level and everyone is “fine” or “doing great.” You have to get to the level of maturity in your small group where you can say, “I had a tough week. Life stinks. Here’s what happened.”

“So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body” (Ephesians 4:25 NLT).

If you’re a believer, you’re also a belonger. You belong in the family of God, and every other believer belongs to you. You cannot become until you belong. You can’t become what God wants you to be until you belong in a group that’s going to pursue gut-level, honest community. Put away falsehood. Talk to your neighbor. Tell your friend the truth, because we belong to each other.

If you are serious about changing the deepest hang-ups in your heart and the deeply entrenched self-defeating behaviors in your life, you must face the fear of being honest. You’ve got to stop faking it. You’ve got to put away falsehood. You’ve got to be real.

You can go through life either pretending like you’ve got it all together or getting it all together. But you’ll never get it all together as long as you pretend you’ve got it all together. And you’re never going to get well, get healed, get rid of that area that’s hindering you in your life until you talk to somebody about it.

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Talk About It

• How would you describe your small group’s level of transparency? Are you “real” with each other?
• What has been the result of pretending like you have it all together? How do you feel?

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God — truly righteous and holy” (Ephesians 4:21-24 NLT).

You need more power than just willpower in your life. You need God’s power in your life.

The “fruit of the Spirit” are the qualities that God puts in your life when the Holy Spirit lives through you: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

How does God produce that fruit in your life? Not by your willpower. You don’t go out and say, “I’m going to be a more patient person!” That doesn’t work.

You try to say, “I’m going to be more patient. I’m going to be more loving.” It’s like tying some oranges on a eucalyptus tree and calling it an orange tree. It doesn’t work that way. Fruit can only come from the inside — the Holy Spirit living through you.

How does the Holy Spirit work in your life? The answer is gradually: “And the Lord — who is the Spirit — makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image” (2 Corinthians 3:18 NLT, emphasis added).

When God wants to make a mushroom, he takes six hours. When God wants to make an oak tree, he takes 60 years. The question is: Do you want your life to be a mushroom or an oak tree?

You didn’t collect your hurts, habits, and hang-ups overnight. It took you a long time to get as messed up as you are! Someone approached me once and said, “Pastor Rick, I need you to solve my marriage problem.” I said, “How long have you been married?” Fifteen years. “How long have you had this problem?” Ten years.

And you want a five-second answer? It isn’t going to happen! You’ve got to peel that onion one layer at a time.

The Holy Spirit works within us to make us gradually more and more like him. Your character is the sum total of your habits. Your responsibility is to develop new habits that help you to change.

PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >>

Talk About It

• What new fruit — representing recent spiritual growth — are you seeing in your life?
• What new habits do you want to develop so that the Holy Spirit can continually work in your life to make you more like Christ?
• Ask your small group or accountability partner to pray for you as the Holy Spirit develops these new habits in your life.

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God — truly righteous and holy” (Ephesians 4:21-24 NLT).

It’s not enough to want to change. It’s not enough to desire to change. It’s not even enough to say, “I have a dream of changing.” Dreams are worthless unless you wake up and act on them. You’re not going to change until you choose to change.

How are you going to be different in six months? Are you going to be emotionally stronger? Are you going to be mentally sharper? Are you going to be physically healthier? Are you going to be spiritually deeper?

It isn’t going to happen automatically. You aren’t just going to get healthier by accident in any category of your life. A lot of times we think we’re waiting on God to change us. You’re not waiting on God. God is waiting on you.

There is no growth in your life without change. And there is no change without loss. You’ve got to let go of some old stuff. And there is no loss without pain.

Maybe you are stuck right now because you haven’t learned how to let go. That’s a choice. Ephesians 4:22 says, “Throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception” (NLT).

You might see your hurts, habits, and hang-ups as biological or sociological. Some of them are from your circumstances or your chromosomes. But it doesn’t really matter where they come from. You need to deal with them. Genetics may explain your inclinations, but it doesn’t excuse your sin.

Here’s the good news: Once you become a believer, you have a new power in you that is greater than those old tendencies. That power is the Holy Spirit.

Philippians 2:12-13 says, “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose” (NIV).

Does that mean you are supposed to be afraid of God? Of course not! Be afraid that you’ll miss God’s best and waste your life. Be afraid that you will go your entire life and never know God’s purpose.

The secret to changing your life is not willpower. It’s God giving you the will and the power through the Holy Spirit to do what needs to be done.

PLAY today’s audio teaching from Pastor Rick >>

Talk About It

• What do you think it means to “work out” your salvation?
• How have you experienced the Holy Spirit’s power in your life?
• How is God helping you deal with hurts, habits, and hang-ups that may have biological or sociological roots?